


Safe Haven

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Episode 9 Speculation [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, at least regarding certain elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 07:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After the battle of Crait, the rebuilding Resistance picks up the pieces.





	Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“What have you done?”

To say that General Organa was angry was putting it mildly. Poe was about to ask what exactly she was accusing him of when she continued. “Poe Dameron, you’ve done things that are the epitome of insubordination. You sent your friends on a meaningless mission that almost got them killed — ”

“I had to, General. The First Order was hunting us through hyperspace.”

”And you couldn’t have trusted Holdo, or me?” Leia said. “You could have trusted Holdo. Whatever her flaws, she never would have sold you out to the First Order.”

”I wasn’t thinking that! I just wanted her to be honest with us.”

”She would have told you the truth in time. Instead you good as killed her.”

_Speaking of truth..._

 “Why didn’t you tell me about Ben, General?”

He didn’t know why he was pulling that particular sabaac card. Maybe it was something close to his lifeline. Maybe he genuinely wanted to know. Maybe, in the end, it was both. 

“Don’t try and change the subject,” Leia snapped. 

“No, seriously, General, why didn’t you tell me who Ben Solo really was?” Poe took a deep breath. There was something in how he was feeling that was like a vibroblade had been thrust into his chest — and gotten stuck there, among ribs and heart and everything. “That he tortured me? That he killed all those people on Jakku, and killed...”

He trailed off. He didn’t want to bring up Han Solo, but the damage was done. 

“Don’t you dare bring him up like that,” Leia said. 

“Who? Ben or Han?” 

“Either of them.” 

Poe felt his heart practically sinking in that moment. Then, “General, I’m sorry — ’’

”Get out of here,” Leia said. 

Poe headed towards his quarters, already shaking. As soon as he found his quarters, he slumped on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He shouldn’t have brought up Han Solo. Even after how much Leia had humiliated and hurt him and lied to him...she didn’t deserve that. She truly didn’t. 

The others were thankfully asleep. Well, except for BB-8. Even as the small orange-and-white droid butted up against Poe’s leg, Poe lowered his hands and smiled weakly at BB-8. “I’m okay, buddy. I just had a...really bad day.”

That was putting it mildly. Even saying that he’d had a bad week ever since Jakku was an understatement. It was basically a whole mess of being tortured, being nearly killed, being blamed...and maybe he deserved every bit of blame that Leia could possibly throw at him, every bit of blame that Poe could throw at himself. Paige Tico. The whole bombing squad. Tallie (because he hadn’t been quick enough to save her). Holdo (because he hadn’t trusted her). Rose and Finn nearly being killed. The Resistance escape pods that had got shot down. Everything. 

Maybe he deserved every bit of ridicule that Leia could conjure up. 

And then there was Ben...

Of course he had to think about Ben. At probably the worst moment possible. Had to remember short black hair that was yet to grow out long, brown eyes that could sparkle with happiness or go wide and vulnerable. Poe had to remember a smile that could outshine a sun, and a talent with the Force that promised something more. Infinite wonder, and infinite terror.

Poe had to remember. Had to remember the box of Ben’s things that he had kept. His ruined calligraphy set that Han had gotten him when he’d first gotten into calligraphy. One of his paintings of Poe, when he had gotten into that too. The way he had painted Poe like he was some sort of angel. Had he...but it didn’t matter now. It hurt Poe to admit, but Ben simply wasn’t there.

Kylo Ren had taken that innocent, sweet boy’s heart and twisted it. 

And stars willing, Poe still loved him.

Did anything make sense? 

Poe stored Ben’s belongings away. The best he could do was keep them safe, just like he was keeping Ben’s heart safe, before it could be returned. He could only assume he was just holding on. Maybe he needed to let go — but letting go was something that Poe Dameron could never, ever do. 

***

It was in the main hold of the Milennium Falcon that Leia had a chance to reflect. To seethe, really. How could Poe have even brought up Han like that? Did he — that insolent, arrogant fool — think that she didn’t know what happened to her own husband?

Of course she knew. She had felt it. Felt it — and felt Kylo Ren’s grief and horror as he’d done it. He hadn’t wanted to do it. Was there —

No. She couldn’t go there. He was a monster, plain and simple. A beast with no humanity left in him. She had felt it when he had become Supreme Leader, when it was like every inch of rage washed over him — and it was like the monster inside him had won.

Sometimes monsters won.

Sometimes there was no retrieving.

The best she could do was fight him — even if it meant others saying she hated her son.

When you felt through the Force the exact moment when your son’s humanity died...

Leia looked away. She wasn’t about to think about it further.

As for Poe...

Maybe she’d discuss this in the morning. Apologize, if she could. Poe was too good for her, she knew that. Staying by her side, trusting her, even though she had treated him horribly. Some had disparagingly suggested he had been acting out “mommy issues” with her, but he had effectively stayed by her side — and she had been so ungrateful —

She’d taken out her grief over Han on him. But he wasn’t responsible. He wasn’t responsible for Holdo’s sacrifice either — anyone could see that. She’d taken out her grief over the lost bombing squad on him, and though Poe had been at fault for recklessness, the bombing squad were heroes, dead or no. 

Accountability wasn’t a weakness. Especially when it came to possibly abusing one of your protégés. 

She crossed over towards Poe’s room, knocked. After what seemed too long, Poe answered it. He just looked exhausted as he said, “Hi, General.” He sounded wary, like he expected her to yell at him again.

“Poe...I’m sorry. About earlier.”

”No. About what you said — it was my fault. I guess I should stop deluding myself into thinking it wasn’t.” 

“You mean Holdo?”

Slowly, Poe nodded.

”Poe, don’t.” Already, Leia wished she hadn’t said anything. “She made her choice — ”

Poe smiled bitterly. “She believed serving the light was better than acting like a hero.”

”Poe, stop that. What I said was a disrespectful, patronizing, self-righteous, hypocritical, absolutely and unforgivably rotten thing to say. Among other things.” Leia sighed. “I thought I was making it into a teaching moment. I did it wrong.”

Poe actually looked startled. Then, with a laugh, “Well, that’s a little harsh on yourself.”

”No harsher than I was on you. You did reckless things without a doubt. Reckless things where your heart was in the right place, if still reckless. But how I treated you was deplorable. I shouldn’t have humiliated you on the Raddus. I shouldn’t have shot you. I shouldn’t have treated you like this when you were nothing but devoted to me and the Resistance. And I shouldn’t have trivialized Paige Tico’s sacrifice, and others’. That was another unforgivably rotten thing to say; it was a good thing Rose didn’t hear me say that.”

Poe paused. He seemed to be trying to take all this in. Then, “Thank you, General. And...well, everyone says things they don’t mean when they’re angry.”

Leia couldn’t help but smile faintly. “I’m trying to work on that.”

”So am I. I never should have called Holdo a coward and a traitor.” Poe actually sounded outright embarrassed, something Leia couldn’t say she saw often in him. “Or brought up Han and Ben to you. If you thought what you said to me was unforgivably rotten, you’ve got competition.”

“Yes. I suppose.” A beat. “I wish I had told you sooner about Ben. I thought that I was protecting you. I was wrong about that too.”

Poe seemed deep in thought. Then, “I guess there was no better way to bring it up.”

Leia nodded. After a long silence, her eyes drifted over to the shelves. “If I might ask, that box...is that Ben’s?”

Poe’s eyes widened in a panic. “I shouldn’t have — I’m sorry — ”

”No, it’s all right. After that hut collapse, I’m glad you’re keeping Ben’s things safe.” Even remembering was enough to bring prickles of tears to Leia’s eyes. “No one’s ever truly gone, I suppose.”

”They aren’t.” Poe said. “I’m keeping them safe. Just because I have to.”

”Thank you, Poe.” Her son was gone, but she didn’t want to forget him. He had been an innocent once — before the seeds of evil Snoke had planted in him won. “You don’t know how much that means to me. Please, keep them. It’s reassuring you know that they’re safe.”

”I will.”

Silence.

”It was better than I thought it would be,” Leia said. “I can hope I can be a better leader to you, Poe. However I can. At least...improve on my weaker points.”

”I have mine too.”

Leia smiled. “You do have faith in me even when I push you away, don’t you?”

”And I’ll keep having it.”

”I’ll make sure I’m worthy of it. Good night, Poe.”

”Good night, General.”

And even heading to her own quarters, Leia couldn’t help but feel a sort of closure that she had made amends with Poe. It would be a work-in-progress, repairing their working relationship, but Leia’s knowledge that Poe still had that unconditional yet not naive faith in her, seeing the best of her where she couldn’t see it...that would make it easier.


End file.
